I woke up this morning next to the love of my life who also happens to be a gorgeous something *giggles*, birds chirping outside my window, a plan for the day and a big ass smile on my face. This, I had decided, was going to be one of my most productive days yet.
Oh man did that change as soon as I grabbed my phone to check my emails, something I do every morning without fail. I literally froze as my brain processed this email. At that moment I wanted to throw myself on the ground, look up towards the heavens and scream “WHY ME?” as a single tear rolled down my cheek.
“FROM: THE RED CARPET
SUBJECT: Word up
I want a qoutation 4 a promo banner. tankiso gat me 2 u 4 dat.aai ryde bk”
Opening this email really pissed me the hell of. I wasn’t at all sure if this idiot was serious or if this was some kind of joke. I mean anyone who knows me will certainly know that I have zero tolerance for bad grammar and punctuation. I don’t care if you are Barack freaking Obama, you send me this garbage and I will pray that your crotch gets infested with fleas from a rabid village dog.
Thanks to this email I feel compelled to touch on the ins and outs of email etiquette so bare with me please.
1. Your name is extremely important. Be careful what you chose to call yourself. Am I supposed to smell who on God’s green earth “The Red Carpet” is? It doesn’t help that the dunderhead didn’t bother to include his/her/its name somewhere in the body of this email.
2. Use a meaningful subject, one that will give the recipient an idea of what the email is about. ‘Word up” doesn’t bloody well tell me what you want from me. In fact I almost deleted it, something I regret not doing
3. Answer all questions and pre-empt further questions. For instance, the sender of this email wants a banner. Last I checked they came in different sizes, how about telling me which one you’re interested in hmmm?. A back and forth Q&A session is a waste of my time; I do have better things to do.
4. Use of prper spellin, grama & pnctuatn is so NB.... MY GAWD am I the only one that was taught the importance of this in school?!
5. Use proper structure and layout. “Hi, Hello, Dear ....” go at the top and “Sincerely/Regards” go at the bottom. If not for the mere reason that emails are generally written that way then perhaps just to show that you weren’t birthed by an Afghan donkey. Common courtesy clearly is hard to find in 2011.
6. DO NOT WRITE IN CAPITALS. do not write in lower case.
7. Spell names properly. tankiso is not a name however, Tankiso is.
8. Lastly read the email before you send it. If this idiot had done that, he wouldn’t have bothered sending it and I wouldn’t wake up having to decide whether to burst into tears or laughter.
Incase your wondering, I did make it a point to highlight said person’s errors and the reply I got:
“Good day hellen, sorry for the previous informal email I sent to you didn’t mean no disrespect.new ways I did be glad if you could please send me a quotation for an artist promo banner.thanks much kofi Akwabi”
Excuse me while I hang myself naked from a tree and beg to be stoned. This cannot be life.
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